Tuesday, August 11, 2015

The one thing I've learned about motherhood


As a mother of seven children and a step-mother to two more, I had my expectations about what THEIR future should look like. In MY mind, my oldest son Zack was going to be a history teacher. Now- at 28, he is LIVING history instead of teaching it.

After attending college, he decided not to live a 'traditional lifestyle.' FOR SURE, he didn't want to end up like his agoraphobic mother <that's me> who LOOKS at the globe in her office, but hates to travel and to whom travelling sounds more like torture.

Six months out of the year he lives on a 24' sailboat on the Detroit River and works at a bar/restaurant (www.detroitbeerco.com) He's the UNwaiter. He introduces himself, takes the order and let's the diner know that he WILL NOT be checking back every few minutes to 'see how everything is' - because that's just fucking annoying. He explains that he will count on the diner to call HIM over if they need anything. People love it and he cashe$ out.

The other six months he goes off the grid. With only a backpack, he's trekked thousands of miles on the Pacific Crest Trail, Israel, Croatia, Hungary and soon he will leave for Africa. TRIBAL Africa. Bone in their noses Africa. Where it is likely that without speaking Fulani or Tswana-  he will be doing charades to communicate with the tribespeople and they will probably boil his skinny-ass over a spit. Zack has told me that should this scenario occur- and he dies- that I should be happy he died living his dream Thanks, how comforting. That takes a load off my mind.

My point is, that the life he's chosen is NOT one I would have chosen for him. EVER. Yes, people say how WONDERFUL it is. How COOL. How great it is that he's such a free spirit. I don't get it AT ALL.

But that's the point.

"Motherhood is about raising and celebrating the child you have, not the child you thought you would have. It's about understanding that he is exactly the person he is supposed to be, and that, if you're lucky, he just might be the teacher who turns you into the person you are supposed to be."

Zack has taught me to let go. As my oldest child, he's broken me down. He's taught me that as a parent, my job is to GUIDE my kids and teach them morals, values and ethics. I can't MAKE THEM choose what they want to do with their lives. After all, it IS their life.

ALL of my kids are good people. They are also HAPPY people and happy is good.
They all are capable, hardworking, friendly and compassionate. That was my goal.

So, I guess I've done my job.
The rest is on them.
And I've learned to be that mom who (lovingly) lets go.

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