Love the NEW Eydis Magazine!
It's a lovely publication- total eye candy AND great articles.
Here's my article from the October issue.
When my mother killed herself thirty years ago, I became a “motherless daughter.” For more than half my life I’ve tried to understand her decision to leave me. Her suicide defined me and changed the course of my life. I made so many poor choices because I felt unworthy of love and I stayed in too many situations in my personal and professional life because I doubted my value. After all, if the one person who is supposed to be there for me leaves, what’s my worth?My father, now 84 and slowly fading away from Alzheimer’s disease, became a mother and a father to me. He is a solid man. He gave me what every child deserves: affirmation, attention, emotional support, and consistent assurance that I was “the best thing that ever happened to him.” His devotion to me is powerful.And still, I struggle to understand how a parent can walk away. Perhaps I am hypersensitive to abandonment, but deciding not to be there for your children is simply unfathomable.I recently interviewed a young woman named Sarah whose father had abandoned her. He lived nearby, but chose not to see her. His rejection of her left her emotionally wounded. Sadly, Sarah’s situation was all too common and heartbreaking.Statistically, 63% of all teenagers who commit suicide are fatherless and 71% are high school dropouts. Fatherless children are ten times more likely to be drug abusers and twenty times more likely to suffer from depression. Sarah admits that she struggled with substance abuse, depression, and has made poor choices about relationships in the past. She’s spent years wondering why she wasn’t worthy enough for her father to stay in her life, and was ashamed to tell me that he’s missed every major event, her prom and her graduation, and that she gets upset when she realizes that he won’t be walking her down the aisle. At 21, she’s already realized what took me a lifetime to figure out. She says although this experience of loss has not been ideal, it has taught her to be more self-sufficient and careful with her heart.I'm a slow learner compared to Sarah. It’s taken me three decades to learn that; whether it’s a departure by suicide or simply someone’s choice to be absent from your life, their departure really has nothing to do with the people they chose to leave behind and everything to do with them. They aren’t leaving you, they lack the compassion and commitment to stay. It truly is their loss—and an absence in their soul—but their absence leaves behind a devastation in the heart.My purpose is to let people know that they are not alone. I AM you and I AM your struggles. I am here to remind you that you are never alone. Your past does not have to define you. As Hemingway said, “The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.”So for those of you who wonder if you are good enough, you are. You are okay. You are loved. You are stronger than all your broken pieces. And I am here if you need me; don’t you dare think anything else, seriously.